Everyday Spirituality

Posts tagged ‘loss’

Friends Define Each Other

“If Jesus can be said to have had a best friend,

it was certainly Simon Peter.

It has been my experience that

friends define each other.

When I am uncertain about the direction of my life,

I go to my closest friends to affirm,

or perhaps reaffirm,

who I am and what the calling in my life is all about.”

Several years ago I read these words written by Michael Card in his book A Fragile Stone. They jumped off the page then, but today they have an even more profound meaning to me. The loss of my friend has made me stop as if held in between two breaths. I have lost my Faith Twin, the person who gave definition to my life purpose. Her affirming words always came at just the right time. “You CAN do this.” We gave each other permission to express our faith outside of the more conventional parameters. It was okay for us to take a gospel story and make it our very own. It was natural for us to invite others to walk into the pages of scripture with us; to bring them alive in today’s world.

Whenever I had doubts I knew I could go to her and be honest and open about where I was with situations in my life. I believe I can still talk with her; only I cannot hear her affirming words.


Who am I? Where am I going? How will I get there?

She was there to listen and to offer her advice. When you risk sharing your hopes and dreams with another you must trust that they will affirm you. You have faith; they will help you decide what is to ultimately come to define who you are becoming.

I have lost my sounding board. The defining pages of my life have less clarity today than before her death. She was present on so many occasions as we wrote the pages of our lives together. Together we defined each other as we shared our love for others in so many ways.

I sometimes feel like Linus. Who would he be without his blanket? But unlike a real person; a blanket is just a thing. A blanket cannot respond to you.

You may be wondering if we were codependent and the answer is a confident NO, but it was so nice to have her here to share the defining moments of what my life was becoming.

One of our last conversations was about the future for Faith Twins…me alone…without her presence. This conversation was saturated with hope for a beautiful future. A future preserving what we had defined through our friendship. A future filled with hope…a future filled with blank pages delicately bordered by the fingerprints of our friendship… pages…to be continued… defining my life’s purpose. She had a way of helping me to see what my calling in life was about…I know there are many times yet to come when I will long to hear her words of reassurance…just to hear her voice.

I will walk all the days of my life

in the land of the living….

For it is right and just to give him praise and thanks.

Praise and thanks for touching my life in so many subtle and profound ways.

Who most helps define who you are today?

Give thanks for that person.

Profound Sadness:The Loss is Great

I do not shed tears all day every day.

It seems so strange…why I do not cry.

The loss is great

The sadness deep inside

There is a kind of comfort in this place.

A space within that knows to Be Still and Know that God is God.

I feel peace and calm inside, but profound sadness.

I am not depressed. I can still laugh and have fun, just sad.

The loss is great

I know she is with me. We spoke about cherishing in our hearts the things that we shared through the years.

I thank God every day for her presence in my life.

Many days I would walk with the heavy knowledge that we were going to lose her. This week I bought a wedding gift for my niece. The box was rather large. Carrying it from gift wrap to the car was a real challenge. I could not get my arms around the box. I had to walk with my arms held out with the box precariously balanced on my forearms. My arms were aching but I could not let the box fall and break its contents. My arms were aching, but I carried this box just as I carried the knowledge of losing my friend. It was so heavy. I would try to distract myself so as not to think about how heavy the “box” was, but I could never put down the box. I could not take the contents out and leave it on the side of the road either. It is hard to see what lies ahead when you are carrying a large box in your arms.

The loss is great

Sometimes I just let people hug me and hold me. Sometimes words are insufficient. And I love words…the way they sound…the way the letters look…the way words come together to make a sentence.

Hugs to me are two hearts touching and silently communicating their care for the other. Hugs can express more than words.

In the Blessed Mother’s suffering and sadness; the soldiers took her son’s tortured body from the cross and laid him in her arms. How she must have longed to hold him close to her and hear his voice one last time. I hope the women with Mary brought her comfort with their hugs.

The loss is great

There is no time table for grief…each person processes their loss differently.

Some people touch our lives only briefly, while others leave a lasting impression and are never forgotten.

(so beautifully written on a card I recently viewed)

I don’t think you overcome the loss of a loved one I believe you absorb this sadness taking it inside of yourself.

The absorbed loss of a loved one transforms you into a more caring compassionate person. Through great sadness you learn to appreciate great love.

May your life be blessed with great love as I have been in mine.

A hug requires no words.

The loss is great