Everyday Spirituality

Posts tagged ‘friend’

Living Inside Out

Have you ever thought of turning yourself inside out? I have.

My skin covers so much of what makes me who I am.

Do you think what is inside is more important than what is outside?

I have always been told not to judge a book by its cover. But in reality I must admit I am influenced by the cover of a book. I definitely select books with titles that are appealing for whatever reason. I notice the illustrations and the graphic designs even the chosen colors.

If you really share yourself with another person it is almost like letting them see our insides. There have only been a few people in my life that I can honestly say have seen me inside out.

When you are inside out there exists the chance of greater vulnerability. You take a risk. The other person may see what is missing in you. They may recognize your weaknesses. But all is not lost when you are inside out because your inner strength and beauty is also exposed.

I remember thinking it was funny when a small child would put on their shirt inside out. The seams with all their frayed edges and pieces of threads were hanging out for all to see. Those were supposed to be kept hidden inside only to be seen by the person wearing the item of clothing.

Then one day a designer decided to make a fashion statement by purposely marketing items of clothing with the seams on the outside.

Clothes worn inside out became a short lived popular fad. There are just some things that are less than aesthetically pleasing.

I think when you are sick it is a challenge not to live inside out. Eventually your outside begins to reveal what is happening on the inside. There is nothing you can do to prevent it. You cannot hide it, even though initially you may try. Even the perfect seamstress cannot keep the frayed edges tidy.

The more inside out you feel the more intently you must look for abundance in your life. When your frayed edges and raw seams are exposed to the whole world you slowly begin to accept their beauty too. Dangling threads and raveling edges, I confess, are not my idea of abundance.

The gift in living inside out I found with my friend was the challenge to be open about all things. There are some words you must keep in your heart. You cannot tell them that you see their frayed seams. You cannot tell them they do not look like you wish they did or even how they used to look before.

If you love this person you come to a point when you embrace the inside of who they are in spite of their exposed seams. Because what you have really loved about this person has always been inside. True the beauty of the ‘cover’ may have caught your attention initially, but that is overshadowed in time. When you love someone even if they must live for a time inside out; you see their true beauty. For in the end it is only God, the divine seamstress, who can repair all of the frayed edges. God alone makes all things new.

May God bless you with people who see your frayed seams and dangling threads, but continue to love you anyway. May God restore you to true beauty as He sees you.

That is what he has done for my friend…I put my trust in Him.



The “White Noise” of Eternity

I am beginning to feel as if the presence of my dear friend is becoming a beautiful ‘white noise’ in my daily life.

I just discovered simplynoise.com, this website offers white, pink and brown noise on their site for free. They even have a white noise app. (You can find an app today for just about anything.)

  The beauty about white noise is that it gradually vanishes into the background and is not something you readily notice. When I was a little girl my sister and shared a bedroom. We did not have central air condition yet so we had this floor fan. You guessed it the sound of this fan became white noise for us. Every night we went to bed with the fan motor humming us to sleep. Each morning when daddy rose at about five o’clock he would come into our room and turn off the fan. Soon if nothing else woke us up the ‘silence’ of the quiet morning had our eyes wide open.

Have you ever noticed when the power goes out in your house just how quiet it is? Just the hum of the refrigerator motor missing creates a huge sound void in the house.

The death of my friend was like turning off the refrigerator motor the ‘noise’ of her presence was silenced. Just as you notice when the electricity goes off you notice when a friend is no longer a part of your daily life in much the same profound way.

So you ask, ‘what exactly is white noise?’ White noise is a noise produced by combining sounds of all different frequencies together. If you took all the different frequencies a human can hear and combined them together, that would be white noise.

My sister, to this day, still sleeps with a fan on every night. The white noise from the fan motor lulls her to sleep.

The adjective ‘white’ is used because of the way white light works.

White light is made up of all the different colors (frequencies) of light together.


A prism confirms this quality of white light since it is able to separate the seven colors of the spectrum. White noise works the exact same way.

So how does this work and how does it relate to my friend? The human brain is an exceptional part of our body, but it does have its limitations. When too many conversations or sounds are being heard by our brain it has limited capacity to focus. Once say several conversations are being heard simultaneously the brain no longer even attempts to process the information. It just becomes noise…white noise.

Now that my friend is not physically present and my brain cannot focus on her alone she has become for me white noise. I find this to be comforting because I know she is with me even though I cannot see her. Just as I know all colors are present in white light even though I cannot see them all at the same time.

Seeing is in most cases believing. I think of St. Thomas, he needed to see the wounds in the hands and feet of Jesus that post resurrection day in the upper room. I believe in the true presence of Jesus in the Eucharist even though I cannot see him in the precious Body and Blood.

I believe even though I can no longer see my friend’s beautiful smiling face; she is with me. God is light and just maybe when you die and pass into the light you become part of the essence of that light. Once you become part of the ‘God Light’ we here on earth can no longer see you with our human eyes. You are a part of the light that surrounds us all, but you do not lose your ‘unique’ color.

She is with me. She is part of my white light I can feel its warmth. I can feel her smiling, even encouraging me. I can feel her supporting me.

 Yes, I do know she is dead, but I do not believe death is as final as we might in our limited understanding believe it to be.

If all we ever saw was white light we would never be able to appreciate the colors of the rainbow. God gave the colorful rainbow as a sign to Noah of his covenant to never again destroy the earth by floods. (Genesis 9:13-14)

Next time you see a rainbow or hear white noise think of the presence of a loved one. They are with you, you just cannot see or hear them any longer.