I admit that I am old, but I think you may never be too old to have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. This is exactly what I feel like right now; acting life a toddler. As any parent can confirm a two year old’s temper tantrum may make no sense at all. Things are not going their way…they are overwhelmed…they are out of control…they are just plain tired.
Well that is where I am with one huge difference;
I am not two.
In my old age I can recall many times in my life when I did not understand or like the situation I found myself in. I recall the worst year of my teaching career was caused by an administrator who was determined to make my life miserable. I literally almost left teaching because she was on a mission to destroy me even if she lied about situations. In the long run that year from h _ _ _ made me a stronger person. I did not let her win. I continued to be the best teacher I could be in spite of the circumstances. One school is just that ‘One’ year.
Intellectually, I think, I believe that all things happen for a reason and have a purpose in my life journey. I just do not like some of these situations. It seems for the last few years I have found myself more and more often in the midst of situations where I would like to have the ability to rewrite the script. At the top of the list for the last four years would have been to remove the illness that took away my best friend.
Now I am once again in a situation where I not only want to rewrite the script that is unfolding in my life, but I want to shred this script. A toddler’s temper tantrum is simply a mechanism in which the little frustrated body can release some pent up energy. Bingo that is exactly what I need to do…this is perhaps why I write.
I have energy all sorts of energy inside that needs to be released. Too bad this energy is not working to make me skinny…no such luck.
So as I humbly submit to this current script handed to me I am on the ground face down kicking and screaming. I am at the feet of God hoping he will ease my pain and give me some understanding as to why. Don’t get me wrong…I do have much to be thankful for…and I know others have it much harder.
There are, however, times in life where you look up at God and say or even scream “BUT” I do not want to do this…I do not want to have this experience. There are times when you ask, “How is this going to be good for me?” There are times when you just cannot help but feel you are being punished for something; who knows what. And yet you know that God does not operate that way. We do not have a God that sends trials into our lives as punishment.
Today I do not want to be a grown-up…it is not all I thought it would be when I was a toddler. That is the life; someone else eventually solves all your problems.
I am reminded of the Dr. Seuss book…Green Eggs and Ham…
The character, Sam was so extremely insistent on not wanting green eggs and ham until…in the end he finally gets a taste. I can only hope that once this present situation passes I am able to say, I now understand.
But for now I still want a new improved script. Notice I said ‘improved’ because I know you have to be careful what you wish for. (smile)
Things can always be worse…Please Lord, not now. I pray.