“Just a little more time, Dear Jesus, just a little more time.”
And then a flash…I am kneeling at the feet of Jesus not washing them with my tears, but asking him to please help me to accept that which I cannot change. Serenity is not a word I use in my daily conversation.
I cannot control the way I feel, I cannot make these feelings go away. Wait! I do not want to make these feelings go away. I want to feel this pain of loss; I want to feel this sense of helplessness, I want to feel this true sense of surrender.
My friend and I for over twenty years have walked together through thick and thin. We have been there for each other in good times and in bad times. We have comforted and consoled one another and now I just want to hold her tiny frail body close to my heart. To whisper words to her heart that she can take with her to heaven.
To be sure we have also had our times when we disagreed, but it did not matter because in the end it was our mutual love for one another that was stronger. And yes she fusses at me from time to time when I have moments of self doubt.
We pray together. We eat Cheetos together. We laugh until our jaws ache and tears well up in our eyes. We invite the Holy Spirit to be present in everything we prepare.
I just want to hold her tiny frail body in my arms and tell her how much I wish I could make her all new.
But wait; I love butterflies. Butterflies exemplify what the beauty of life after death…resurrection…must truly be like…emerging from what appears to be death only to be a creature totally different and more beautiful than before…more graceful…more joy filled. Free to soar where before only limited to creeping and crawling on the ground or on tree limbs. Butterflies are fragile you cannot hold them and you cannot caress them, but yet they bring great joy. They drift peacefully in the sky landing on a flower sipping nectar, catching some of the sun’s warmth.
Free to soar!
Will she be free to soar?