Our Father who art in heaven…Thy will be done…
Serenity Prayer…God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
These next few blog posts may not have beautiful pictures or sweet music from you tube for you to enjoy. Instead there will only be words from my grief stricken heart.
There have been a few times in my life when I may have wanted to “play God”…when our first born son was dying of malnutrition and needed intestinal surgery to save his life…when my beloved grandmother was dying of lung cancer and would not get to know and love my children…when my daddy, only sixty-four, needed a heart transplant but could not last long enough…when my mother in law died from breast cancer only having a few short years with her grandsons.
Today I find myself once again in a place where if I could for a moment “play God” I would heal my dear friend from her cancer and restore her body to its healthy state. But I know … “…Thy will be done…” I know this in my head and I can say the prayers, but in my heart I do so want things to be different I do so want her to be healed. I know I am not in a unique situation, but right now today what matters is getting through to tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a tug of war. My head is pulling in one direction and my heart is pulling just as hard in the opposite direction. I know in my head what my faith has taught me about going to a better place when you die, but my heart does not want to let go. I want to hold her close to me ever so gently; and then I can so vividly picture Jesus also wanting to hold her close to himself.
“Just a little more time, Dear Jesus, just a little more time.” I pray.
Last night my husband and I were watching this darling 10 year old singing In the Arms of an Angel.Her voice was as beautiful as an angel itself. I began to think about heaven. If we can make such beautiful music here on earth how much more beautiful must heavenly music be. There must be music in heaven; how could there not be?
“Just a little more time, Dear Jesus, just a little more time.” I plead.
“Just a little more time”…….
to be continued…